This Is My Sorry

I don’t deserve you.

I don’t deserve to be your friend or your lover.

The way you treat me is so loving and you may be the perfect one but I’m blinded by my own bullshit.

You’ve opened up so many ways to me, and like a best friend to me.

I’ve tried so hard not to hurt you, but low key I did without realizing.

Somethings you haven’t said but I can see it in your eyes. The disappointment of wishing I could get it together and pick you.

But I’m too busy doing the wrong things that I can’t really see you.

I can’t see that your good for me, and the things you’ve done.

I can’t see how u make me smile and I forget about life when I’m with you.

I can’t see how you naturally take care of me.

And I’m sorry for not choosing you. I’m sorry that my heart is still with her.

But I can’t lie a piece of it is with you too.

But I didn’t realize it until now.

The same feelings I tried to deny because I knew I wasn’t good enough right now for you.

You deserve better after all you’ve been through and I still hurt you and I really didn’t mean to.

But through out all of it I just want my friend. My peace through my storm and growth and hurt. That’s what you are and I hate I can’t say I wanna be with you but I have to see this through with her. I hope you understand and I hope we could remain friends, but if not I totally understand and just hope you know, I never meant to hurt your heart again.

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Separated.

I lost my world. She was the type of girl that knew how to make you smile when you had a bad day. The type that would make you mad but so beautiful that looking into her eyes would change every bit of anger you might’ve felt. She’d rub my chest so effortlessly and with each stroke I felt so much love. Her smile would brighten up and bad day or make a good one much more vibrant. We had fun, so much of it. She introduced me to new things and places and a different level of maturity but things took a turn. She turned into someone I wasn’t use to. Then instead of being beautiful together it became damaged. Broken. Sad. Depressing. Always love between the both of us but because of life we skipped passed loving each other to being against one another. Not realizing that as long as we had each other we would figure things out together. But we both lost sight and acted out in ways that tarnished our union. We tried to get it back we knew we fucked it up. We didn’t know how to get it right so I had to let her go. Doesn’t mean my heart don’t ache knowing I’m going to wake up alone now. That, her smile isn’t going to light my heart like it use to. That those laughs and moments we shared is now just memories and I can’t live them. There’s no more US. We’re two souls that were together and now we’re over and going our separate ways I can’t help but to feel like somethings missing. And it’s you. But in my mind I know it’s the right thing to do. They said true love find its way back, and even if we don’t find our way back I’m still lucky to have known what a piece of love felt like.

From A Distance.


I had a crush on you, though you never knew me. Always thought you were cute and I heard stories bout the person you came to be. 

It wasn’t no stalker shit, I never pressed the friend request button, but always wanted to but I felt I wasn’t worthy. I wondered if you were loved properly, as I just knew I could do it better those other chicks wasn’t worthy. I’d fantasize kissing you like in one of those movies. It actually kinda funny. I imagined making love and babies and marriage like I knew you personally. Like I had an encounter with you at least once in life, how I wish you were my story. Like you were mine and we could build something and make history, like the chains that were bound upon us was the challenge for us to become an icon. I thought wrong. Had this vision in my head like someone forgot to turn the lights on, cause it seems kinda crazy to fantasize about you the way I did and could never build up the courage enough to say I wanted you, so strong. But I’d never thought I would have a chance so I took a different road on. My existence wasn’t a factor in your world, I couldn’t love you or talk to you though I imagined many times you were the one. I promise I’m not crazy to have all these thoughts about someone, especially someone I never met in life. And I don’t think I’m wrong for the thought of you in my arms. 



(To be continued)…..


Brianna Whittington ©

I Can…….

I can love the part you hate the most about yourself, where you see an emptiness, I see a place I can fill. 

I can see past your fear, of loving someone and being hurt, I’ve been there too, but it’s more than your heart that I see in you. 

I can change how others made you feel, by loving you the way you always wanted but always lacked and accumulated many disappointments that brought you to this moment. 

I can make you question my love, but once I show you all I can do, I can also make you accept what your not use to. 

I can make you laugh and feel wanted, I can play with your body and love your mind yet carefully hold your heart in the same place as mine. 

I can give you more than the usual. But can you handle the abnormality of what I’m willing to hand you. 

I can make foreign things become home, and that means safe, but I understand your fragile from the past and this is a weird place, yet I’m willing to do it all and still wait. 

Bruises heal in time, it takes taking care of wounds for them to heal, so why not let me care for those wounds and we both watch what’s real. 

I can and I know you want me to, but don’t let the past make you miss out on what’s rare and true. Someone who don’t love them can never love you, and I love myself enough to love more than you. 

It All Can’t Be Golden

Life. 

Boy sometimes it’s a love hate relationship with you. Sometimes I love you because of the possibilities and the love and affection given. Then I hate you for my falls and my trials and the way being down have my emotions. 

They say pressure is good. But Life you can come with so many ups and downs which makes you beautiful. Well sometimes if I’m being truthful. 

This ugly earth and its pain I can’t just sit around while lives are being taken, and the homeless left without a place to live or food to eat, while most are throwing away what they were given. 

Not earned in any way. Those are the ones that takes advantage of the good. While in the bad they try to make the best. 

Talk about unfair talk about grief. Talk about pain and struggle talk about what’s above the surface and ignore what’s beneath. 

The loud cries for justice for this 9 year olds parents. She was just sitting in her home- a safe place we thought- to turn around and get hit by a bullet. Plain innocence not wrong. They are taking childhoods away and we stand back and watch and won’t say a word. 

Street Cred goes to those who stand up against wrong in my book. You get respect because of who you are and if you stand for something. Not for hiding and ruining lives of others by living in an image of a thug. 

I’m frustrated and I’m angry all these topics and no solutions but more than that no people standing as one to resolve this confrontation. 

Sometimes i wish I could live in my dreams and remain unconscious because being conscience seems to be a reality and level of hell I wasn’t prepared for. 

Why???

We have unarmed teens getting killed.

 We have soldiers dying everyday.

 We have kids starving

We have homeless people in the cold

We have kids killing kids and showing no remorse. 

Cancer killing more young people

Kids aren’t  growing up

Babies getting rapped 

Moms drugged up

Daddy’s missing or locked away. 

People working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet

Rich getting richer and poor getting worse. 

Where is the sympathy? Where is justice? Where is the drug programs? Where are the parents? Where are the cures? Where is the money?

Cities without water, where is it all going? Where are the shelters? Why are we still at war? 

So many questions unanswered I’m starting to get annoyed. 

I’m frustrated with this world, I’m mad I can’t do more. Why people with power don’t use it to uplift anymore?

People worried about awards, clothes, and cars. What happened the the leaders of the world? Where are the true stars?

Why so many sleepless nights? Why can’t I cry? So much pain our screams are so high. There’s a drought of change, someone kidnapped love. What does my child has to look forward to? Why not just give a hug? Why not just show compassion? Why keep creating distraction to hide the real actions? 

What is going on?

Why are so many people hurting?

Why can’t we find happiness in a time that was fought for us to conquer?

Why am I asking? Why I want to know? Because I’m wondering if I should just give up life, and bury hope. 
#why -Brianna Whittington #godweneedyou #changeneedstohappen 

When did falling in Love BeCome so Complicated??

  

The last time I fell in love I was 18 years old. I was head over hills for this guy. & Now 4 years later I’m still single and I’m wondering when did it become so complicated and hard to fall in love. 
Now with social media it’s a distraction from people really getting to know each other, so many use Facebook as a tool to be someone their not. Who is actually genuine? Who is actually looking for a wife? Who actually wants to settle down? Who wants to build? 

In my head no one. Everything comes so easy in our days no one want to wait or work hard for the long term things that may bring true happiness. 

I remember all of the long walks talking about our past. Talking about what we want in the future. Talked about children and careers and God. We laughed at the silliest things because our bond was so strong it was like I knew what he was going to do before he did it. I use to love to see his face and embrace him with hugs, and we would spend hours everyday with each other and I wouldn’t get tired of seeing him. We were together so much it was like we were one, he moved I moved. I moved he moved. Everyone wanted what we had, and I thought it wouldn’t end but something changed.

   

Being in love is an awesome feeling especially when you know that you are loved too. 

I don’t hear stories about real love. The love now days takes 4 days to get and last just about the same then they move on to the next. People use to be heart broken about break ups it would take them years to get over and get moving on dating again. Now they don’t stop they are going to one on to the next one in the same week. That’s unbelievable. 

Love isn’t something quick or temporary unless it’s isn’t real nor meant to be.