Choosing to be sober and deal with life ….. came with so much I didn’t expect. Emotions like crazy. Apologizing. Forgiving myself and others. Accountability. Loving on purpose. Thinking of how I can affect someone in multiple ways, so I’m making sure I don’t make the wrong ones. Just simply wanting to work on trauma and heal so that I can be at peace. Peace within self. You’ve ever experienced so much noise, that it gets so loud you can’t take it? Then decide ok THIS IS ENOUGH!!! I want PEACE so I got to take out this trash and unpack all this trauma so I can win and do better for the future mini me’s. I’ve cried so much, talked out so much, realized why I do this and that! & it’s beautiful but UGLY! Because you experience yourself in the most truest form. The good the bad, the ugly, the vulnerability, the ego, the pride, the little girl and the grown woman. Taking it all in to love on purpose and to possess wholeness and love and freedom of happiness because I did the work. The journey gets lonely because you have to choose between the past and how it’s been going and, what you desire to be. Not both. One or the other, which could cause you to lose friends or family. So to anyone who’s also on this path, know I am too. Far from perfect and not trying to be, just trying to be better than I was/am. -B❤️
Not sure how many of you actually watch the news. Personally I don’t. I get very emotional and angry because of the violence and lack of Justice in the system and on the streets.
I’ve watched too many videos of murders and people in courtrooms crying out in an agony I can’t seem to catch a grip of my own tears. My heart seems to always go out to the mothers and fathers that lose their children over and over everyday to some act of foolishness.
The issue is my warm heart and I won’t use issue I will say a gift. Not too many care about others but I see them and instantly wish there’s something I can do to help. That’s the heart of a giver.
Life’s too short but it shouldn’t be. Many say it’s in Gods plan but I don’t believe it ALL is his plans. It’s the work of the enemy and we have a hit out on our lives because of where we come from. We are targets for failure and lied on when we become successful and targeted if we tell the truth about what’s really going on.
It’s a level of pain I can’t seem to take in all alone. I share this same anger with a few of my friends who feel they only step ahead to get knocked back 10. I have no “it will get better” speeches anymore. I have no “keep pushing” notes. All I have is my eyes that sees so much pain in others I can’t seem to comfort their level of pain.
What can you say to a mother and father that lost their 6 year old?
What can you say to a young man who years were locked away in a prison for something he didn’t do?
What can you tell the mothers when their men are locked away and no man is around for their children? When they have to work 3 jobs to make ends meet alone and can’t be there around the clock for the children.
So what happens? The streets raise the children and it’s a repetitive curse on people.
It use to be villages. Those who watched out for others. Now there are self centered ones who only care about their own. When really everyone is our responsibility.