Healing Journey

Choosing to be sober and deal with life ….. came with so much I didn’t expect. Emotions like crazy. Apologizing. Forgiving myself and others. Accountability. Loving on purpose. Thinking of how I can affect someone in multiple ways, so I’m making sure I don’t make the wrong ones. Just simply wanting to work on trauma and heal so that I can be at peace. Peace within self. You’ve ever experienced so much noise, that it gets so loud you can’t take it? Then decide ok THIS IS ENOUGH!!! I want PEACE so I got to take out this trash and unpack all this trauma so I can win and do better for the future mini me’s. I’ve cried so much, talked out so much, realized why I do this and that! & it’s beautiful but UGLY! Because you experience yourself in the most truest form. The good the bad, the ugly, the vulnerability, the ego, the pride, the little girl and the grown woman. Taking it all in to love on purpose and to possess wholeness and love and freedom of happiness because I did the work. The journey gets lonely because you have to choose between the past and how it’s been going and, what you desire to be. Not both. One or the other, which could cause you to lose friends or family. So to anyone who’s also on this path, know I am too. Far from perfect and not trying to be, just trying to be better than I was/am. -B❤️

Sweet Love

I loved you from the first time I saw you. Mean. Beautiful. Full of purpose. Living in your truths and not afraid to share your wisdom. I remember that first dance. How I felt like I was in this trance, fantasy world. With my fantasy girl. Vibrations high. Souls alined. Peace and comfort moved me into something deeper than I’ve ever known. We locked eyes across the room, and you said I love you too. Knowing what I was thinking and feeling without me having to move my lips. The way our minds and hearts were connected it was like being conjoined like hips. My safe space and everything. Could’ve been the true love of my life until I ruined it. I never knew a love like this. Could’ve been why I sabotaged it. How do you connect so deeply with a soul. See them on a level no one else has and love them so much you had to let go? I knew I couldn’t be that person you fell for because i got lost in the world instead of loving the world that was created when we connected. I regret a lot. But never loving you. My fantasy girl.

Combined

I could place your heart in my pocket, but truthfully that isn’t the right placement for something so precious. To me it says I’ll forget about you and sit on your love constantly. Meanwhile I’m thinking of a way to stitch your heart with mine, so that when I constantly live and feel each heartbeat I think of how precious you are to me. How I won’t dare do anything to hurt my heart because I love me enough to take care of me, So why would I put yours in my pocket and hide it from the world when I can place it behind mine so that even if any harm comes our way, I would get hit first To protect yours. Baby I realize your love is treasure, the true value of everything you are exist in there, so why would I dare go and damage it when you are me. I realize you deserve more and maybe even more than me but I’d die protecting you even if it’s protecting you from me.

I Can…….

I can love the part you hate the most about yourself, where you see an emptiness, I see a place I can fill. 

I can see past your fear, of loving someone and being hurt, I’ve been there too, but it’s more than your heart that I see in you. 

I can change how others made you feel, by loving you the way you always wanted but always lacked and accumulated many disappointments that brought you to this moment. 

I can make you question my love, but once I show you all I can do, I can also make you accept what your not use to. 

I can make you laugh and feel wanted, I can play with your body and love your mind yet carefully hold your heart in the same place as mine. 

I can give you more than the usual. But can you handle the abnormality of what I’m willing to hand you. 

I can make foreign things become home, and that means safe, but I understand your fragile from the past and this is a weird place, yet I’m willing to do it all and still wait. 

Bruises heal in time, it takes taking care of wounds for them to heal, so why not let me care for those wounds and we both watch what’s real. 

I can and I know you want me to, but don’t let the past make you miss out on what’s rare and true. Someone who don’t love them can never love you, and I love myself enough to love more than you. 

Finding Me

​I fell deep for someone who didn’t love me the same. 

Someone I would’ve went to war for didn’t even know my name. 

Tragedy in my heart when I had to let it go, knowing you were my everything and I couldn’t let you know. 

I’m always incomplete now cause I feel like you took the best of who I am when you decided to up and leave, but I’m trying to move forward and find you to get closure but now the trail of my broken  heart is covered with others broken pieces too. 

Why it takes years to find myself and when it only took you a matter of seconds to murder mine?

Why can’t i rewind the time and avoid meeting you or giving you a chance. 

True enough what’s done is done. One day I’ll find the part of me I lost in you. Once I found the one who can’t live without me, like I thought I couldn’t breathe without you. 
-B

Possession Of Real

He motivates me. Always say what I need to hear when I’m slacking on my dreams. He uplifts my dreams as though he say I shouldn’t give up on what I believe. 

But he says I do the same for him. He continues to grow and he acknowledges mine as well. 

He guides me to challenge my spirituality. Be proud of my color. Me more informative about my surroundings and how to get out of the struggle. 

He’s not a man of just words but action. 

I wouldn’t doubt his love because he always show and tells me in ways everyone doesn’t have to know.  

It’s not for everyone to know, he makes sure that I know first. 

His integrity and self worth is noticeable to everyone around him. 

It’s an honor to know him. 

My Everything

  I prepared for your debut. I couldn’t wait to hold you in my arms. I knew the first time I held you, it was love at first sight. 

That smile, that smile. It lit up my life, wondering how can anything be wrong when having you felt so right. 

I swore an oath to protect you, don’t let any harm touch you, and til this day I’ll die before I leave you. 

Your my first born, my treasure. My reason for not giving up. Seeing your face when I wake up gives me strength to be tough. 

Watching your first steps, I remembering almost crying, well mommy cried a lot, especially at Drs. Visits I hated those shots. 

Hearing your scream in pain, made mommy heart break, but I had to get it together to show you it’ll be ok. 

All the days we went to museums and parks, the times we shared that no one can ever question. 

That young lady loves her babygirl, yes I do baby your my world. 

5 years later and your growing so big, still my little Einstein, I guess that’s why your heads so big. 

Everything can feel so wrong, mommy can have bad days but to come home to my angel makes it all go away. 

We have our thing, only we understand. 

One day you’ll understand this love, and know when you came I finally had a heartbeat. 

My lovely baby, I will love you forever and you will always be Cherish(ed)!

For Cherish❤️💞💜

You

You can make it easy to love you. 

You can make it hard to leave 

You can be my strength in the areas I am weak. 

You can be my knight saving me from cold things, you can be my cover, comforting me. 

You can be my partner, my rock, the reason I smile. 

You can be my babe forever and at all times. 

You can be my heart beat, together we are complete, and without you that heart beat skips with emptiness knowing I’m without one. 

You can be the answer to my heart needs and desires, you can be the end to my pain and hard times 

A gift delivered from God, you can be for me and I for you 

Eyes Of Beauty (Beautiful Soul) 

  

When I look into your eyes, I can see your very soul. The depths of its beauty and the intimacy of your world. 

I can see a galaxy of love and sunshine all around you, it’s what they call a halo, but with you it’s more like a crown of true purpose. 

Made perfectly, made just for me. When I’m around you it isn’t a me or a you, just 2 hearts combining into one, one soul, one life connected by God himself and if I can admit, I say my soulmate. 

Not just the way I feel with you but, what I don’t without you. You complete me, not just have my heart in your hand or pocket, but as if you attached it to your own and created a new heart. 

How can I not have sex with you, and feel like I have, how can I lay next to you and hold you and be satisfied physically? How can your kisses mean more than the words  I love you when you’ve shown me enough, I don’t need them. 

Our spirits intertwined, LoveTogether, I know when I’m with you there’s no place greater. So if I die in your arms I’ve made it to heaven, and if I’m dreaming don’t wake me. 

Life just isn’t worth living, if you can’t live it with me.